being more

In life I have heard several things that I should or shouldn't be, from being told how to live by my dad to how abuse victims tend to be. I've never been the girl to except the norm or to be ok with others telling me what I can and can't be but some of the trends scared me. In high school I wanted to show everyone that I could be more than they thought, I pushed to get good grades and to break the stereotypical pastor's daughter mold. I wouldn't rebel but please my parents as much as I could.

Now I hear how typical abuse victims grow up to be. I would often become sick to my stomach or cry at the thought of being like my dad was. I never ever want that and I could never imagine being that. I consistently pray that God would help me be more than the limits that I thought I had to live by. A couple weeks ago I was sitting in class and abuse got brought up, I felt my stomach drop. I just wanted to run out of the room before I lost it. I was remind of what there was to overcome. I was talking to one of my professors about it and was reminded of how much I would never fit in any of the molds that abuse victims fell in. I had been overcoming them long before I realized it. She reminded me that I was being so much more than expected of someone who was a victim. In my mind I was just seeing myself as someone who had these limits but in my life I was being more. I was allowing God to heal me and to use me to reach others. I hadn't shown signs of someone who had been through abuse. In fact she didn't even know until I had told her. I had already made my decision to be more than the typical and I was paying attention to the signs and fighting against them.

In so many people's lives there are "limits" or thing that we think we can't overcome. But we have a God who loves us so much that He will fight for us to overcome and be more. We have a God who loves us and sees the deepest parts of us and won't leave us to fight for ourselves. I learned that through Him I have been able to heal from my past and truly live out my name, being a joy. I still pray that I don't fall into the patterns of what people usually are but that God will continue to use my life to help others. And sometimes it's hard and I do have to remind myself that I am loved, I am beautiful, and I am His. Through Him I have learned how to be more.