This week has been full of surprises, some good and some not so good. My time was spent crying from laughter and then crying without cause and unexpectedly. I was blessed by several God times in my week that lifted me up and made it so I was full of joy. Even in the times when I was randomly crying I felt at peace. I was astounded by how much peace God gave me through all that was happening. I know that in no way was I holding it together on my own, or any of the blessings that were given to me were earned by my doing. I have been overwhelmed by a God who loves me so much and I can't even fathom what life would be without Him.
Over this past weekend my mom had a migraine that caused a stroke or mimicked a stroke, I'm not sure we're positive about which it is. She passed out at work and was in the hospital from Saturday afternoon to Monday. I couldn't believe or even wrap my head around what had happened, and I was ready to completely fall apart. But God had a different plan, though all of what happened He gave me so much peace and before they knew what had fully happened He was answering our prayers. God showed that He had everything in control and gave me a peace deep down that it would work out. Earlier on Saturday I definitely was not thinking that I was going to be sleeping in the hospital that night, yet there I was. And all around us we had people lifting my mom and I up and showing us that they were there for us. So much was happening at once there were times that I didn't even fully know what was going on, but the fact that there are no long term side effects for my mom is mind blowing. Just hearing that I knew that it was a total God thing.
So no matter what gets thrown at you whether good or bad lean on God and He will be everything you need.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
sitting, watching, and waiting
"But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly
high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They walk
and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
Timing is everything and most importantly God's timing is perfect. One of the things I have been being taught over and over is that patience is something that even though it doesn't come easily to me, I have to learn it. So many times I want to act before God said yes and several times I've tried and failed and had to get up and say that's ok. I've heard over and over that something just wasn't God's timing and honestly I had just gotten used to saying ya that's true, but I was reminded that my timing doesn't work and unless I go to God I will be out of the right time. Often I would get hurt and upset that the door I wanted to be opened so badly was closed right in front of me, and I often would let those feelings control my actions and my weeks. I would shut down at the thought of being rejected again and to avoid it I just wouldn't even try. My thinking was so wrong, and I wasn't going to the One who knew why it wasn't the right time and could show me which door to go through. Even though I kept trying to find the doors I wanted God is always faithful to me showing me another way, a better way. I have been beyond humbled at thinking about all of what I thought was a door being slammed and seeing that it was really just God saying that I should go a better way. I have been given opportunities that I would've never been able to have without something else not working out. If I think about it I wouldn't even be at the university I am, and that I feel so at home at, if I hadn't of gotten a no from the first school I wanted. Learning through being told no is hard but I have to remind myself that there is so much more in store when I make sure to look at where I am being guided. For I know that God has so much more in store for me, and for all of us, than even imaginable. I'm excited to see where He leads me and thankful for His being patient with me.
Timing is everything and most importantly God's timing is perfect. One of the things I have been being taught over and over is that patience is something that even though it doesn't come easily to me, I have to learn it. So many times I want to act before God said yes and several times I've tried and failed and had to get up and say that's ok. I've heard over and over that something just wasn't God's timing and honestly I had just gotten used to saying ya that's true, but I was reminded that my timing doesn't work and unless I go to God I will be out of the right time. Often I would get hurt and upset that the door I wanted to be opened so badly was closed right in front of me, and I often would let those feelings control my actions and my weeks. I would shut down at the thought of being rejected again and to avoid it I just wouldn't even try. My thinking was so wrong, and I wasn't going to the One who knew why it wasn't the right time and could show me which door to go through. Even though I kept trying to find the doors I wanted God is always faithful to me showing me another way, a better way. I have been beyond humbled at thinking about all of what I thought was a door being slammed and seeing that it was really just God saying that I should go a better way. I have been given opportunities that I would've never been able to have without something else not working out. If I think about it I wouldn't even be at the university I am, and that I feel so at home at, if I hadn't of gotten a no from the first school I wanted. Learning through being told no is hard but I have to remind myself that there is so much more in store when I make sure to look at where I am being guided. For I know that God has so much more in store for me, and for all of us, than even imaginable. I'm excited to see where He leads me and thankful for His being patient with me.
Monday, February 3, 2014
being more
In life I have heard several things that I should or shouldn't be, from being told how to live by my dad to how abuse victims tend to be. I've never been the girl to except the norm or to be ok with others telling me what I can and can't be but some of the trends scared me. In high school I wanted to show everyone that I could be more than they thought, I pushed to get good grades and to break the stereotypical pastor's daughter mold. I wouldn't rebel but please my parents as much as I could.
Now I hear how typical abuse victims grow up to be. I would often become sick to my stomach or cry at the thought of being like my dad was. I never ever want that and I could never imagine being that. I consistently pray that God would help me be more than the limits that I thought I had to live by. A couple weeks ago I was sitting in class and abuse got brought up, I felt my stomach drop. I just wanted to run out of the room before I lost it. I was remind of what there was to overcome. I was talking to one of my professors about it and was reminded of how much I would never fit in any of the molds that abuse victims fell in. I had been overcoming them long before I realized it. She reminded me that I was being so much more than expected of someone who was a victim. In my mind I was just seeing myself as someone who had these limits but in my life I was being more. I was allowing God to heal me and to use me to reach others. I hadn't shown signs of someone who had been through abuse. In fact she didn't even know until I had told her. I had already made my decision to be more than the typical and I was paying attention to the signs and fighting against them.
In so many people's lives there are "limits" or thing that we think we can't overcome. But we have a God who loves us so much that He will fight for us to overcome and be more. We have a God who loves us and sees the deepest parts of us and won't leave us to fight for ourselves. I learned that through Him I have been able to heal from my past and truly live out my name, being a joy. I still pray that I don't fall into the patterns of what people usually are but that God will continue to use my life to help others. And sometimes it's hard and I do have to remind myself that I am loved, I am beautiful, and I am His. Through Him I have learned how to be more.
Now I hear how typical abuse victims grow up to be. I would often become sick to my stomach or cry at the thought of being like my dad was. I never ever want that and I could never imagine being that. I consistently pray that God would help me be more than the limits that I thought I had to live by. A couple weeks ago I was sitting in class and abuse got brought up, I felt my stomach drop. I just wanted to run out of the room before I lost it. I was remind of what there was to overcome. I was talking to one of my professors about it and was reminded of how much I would never fit in any of the molds that abuse victims fell in. I had been overcoming them long before I realized it. She reminded me that I was being so much more than expected of someone who was a victim. In my mind I was just seeing myself as someone who had these limits but in my life I was being more. I was allowing God to heal me and to use me to reach others. I hadn't shown signs of someone who had been through abuse. In fact she didn't even know until I had told her. I had already made my decision to be more than the typical and I was paying attention to the signs and fighting against them.
In so many people's lives there are "limits" or thing that we think we can't overcome. But we have a God who loves us so much that He will fight for us to overcome and be more. We have a God who loves us and sees the deepest parts of us and won't leave us to fight for ourselves. I learned that through Him I have been able to heal from my past and truly live out my name, being a joy. I still pray that I don't fall into the patterns of what people usually are but that God will continue to use my life to help others. And sometimes it's hard and I do have to remind myself that I am loved, I am beautiful, and I am His. Through Him I have learned how to be more.
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